It’s the last day of the Cutester’s Christmas holidays (the Redster is off until Monday, for goodness’ sake) and Mr Suburbanite is back at work.
So what to do today?
What we’d all really like to do is go to the cinema and watch Paddington 2.
But that’s way too sedentary. I’ve put on two kilos since the Cutester cut my daily rate of physical activity in half by starting to walk home from school with her friends. Not cycling or walking anywhere for the last two weeks, and eating in a appropriately festive manner, has not helped to shift those kilos. Yesterday we did absolutely nothing physically active all day, and half the family failed to leave the house at all (other than to put the bins out).
How about a walk in the local park? No, the Redster, who (like Judy in Paddington) Suffers from Embarrassment, cannot be seen in the local park with people as seriously uncool as her family.
A walk in the non-local park? No, even worse – it’s right next to her school.
Cycling? Didn’t even suggest that. The Redster officially hates cycling because her mother is a Cycle Campaigner – so embarrassing.
Ten-pin bowling in North Finchley? No, I’m not paying over £30 for something I’m completely rubbish at!
Swimming? This is the option I thought we were going for, and my shower took me twice as long because of the extent of body hair that needed shaving (both in length and surface area). But the Redster’s white swimsuit has sun cream stains on it, and she doesn’t want to borrow my swimsuit on grounds of Embarrassment.
We sat around the kitchen table looking at each other and a meltdown was clearly brewing (mine) – when I had a genius idea.
“How about we watch Paddington in the cinema at Wood Green?”
“But you said that wasn’t active enough!”
“It would be if we walked there…”
They stared at me.
“We can’t walk to Wood Green!” said the Redster. Until recently, Wood Green was somewhere we drove to – getting the bus there is a relatively new idea (one that Mr Suburbanite has only just got his head around).
I Googled it. It’s 1.7 miles, exactly the distance between our home and the Cutester’s school. A 30-minute walk. Without the hill, either.
We have a deal! We get to sit in a cinema eating popcorn, no chance of seeing the Redster’s school mates because none of their nice middle-class parents would let them venture into Wood Green, we get to enjoy a film on the last day of the Cutester’s holidays – and no one can accuse us of being sedentary.
As I intend to eat my own weight in popcorn when we get there, losing the two kilos might be something I start on another day…